The Power of Policy: From A Survivor's Perspective

We’re excited to invite allies and activists to share their perspectives on the KNOW MORE blog.

This guest post is written by Auburn Marriott, Student Ambassador for NO MORE.

“Why did you stay that long?” is a question I have heard more times than I would like to admit when people find out how long I was in a relationship with my abuser. I never know how to answer this question in a way that will ever make sense to anyone but myself, and I have become content with that over the past two years. There's a version of that answer I never give because it might seem too vulnerable or graphic for some, but I will not let that silence diminish what those years cost me because those years made me the woman I am today. The best answer I can think of is: I never wanted the people I love to have to miss or mourn me because I knew leaving was dangerous and could have cost me everything.

Every aspect of my life was controlled when I was with my abuser, by him. I was not “allowed” to see certain people or talk to certain friends, and I felt completely isolated for years of my life. Even with friends who expressed concern or wanted to help, I would, with fake confidence, assure them that everything was completely fine. I would frequently call my mother, best friends, and family in private to express how much I missed them, and  promised them that I would try to see them soon. Although, I fully knew I would not and could not because I would have to pay the price if I even attempted.

It has been two and a half years since I walked away from my abuser and rebuilt my life while transforming from a victim into a survivor. One of the hardest yet most rewarding lessons I have endured after leaving was relearning the enjoyment of human connection, friendship, and love. I have met some of the best people over the past couple of years that will be in my life forever. While they might live all over the world, I have learned that it is a privilege to miss the most amazing people who have shown me what unconditional love is, a privilege that, I would later realize, depended on protections I never had to think about, on policies for survivors written by people I would never meet, on my behalf.

The Link Between Policy and Safety

I have come to see that the privilege of healing, of being loved fully, of feeling safe, enough to be known, is never guaranteed. It depends on policies that determine whether other survivors ever get that same chance. The intimidating part about being a survivor of domestic and/or sexual violence in the current political climate in the United States, is that there are ever-changing policies and active defunding of life-saving resources. Voting can be the difference between a survivor finding safety or a survivor staying trapped. Sometimes that difference is fatal.

Because of the state of Michigan's survivor-related policies such as the Law Enforcement Response Requirements, The Address Confidentiality Program, and Governor Whitmer's Firearms Restriction, I was able to start my life over safely, calmly, and confidently protected at the University of Michigan.

Being a survivor, I started to learn more about the individual impact voting can have that not only affects me, but other survivors as well. Voting can make the difference in survivors having funded crisis programs or shelters, investing in ending rape kit backlogs, or restitution for legal costs, all life altering and saving resources for domestic abuse survivors.

The Special Victims Unit (SVU) at the University of Michigan is a resource that I utilized almost daily during my time at the University of Michigan. It was through this process that I came to understand how policy had already been protecting me before I ever set foot in that office. The Law Enforcement Response Requirements meant when I made my report there were certain protections and options SVU talked me through and carefully considered to best help me, and the Address Confidentiality Program meant my new address never had to exist anywhere my abuser could reach.

As survivors, we ask that you vote not only for us, but for the individuals who are not yet able to or the ones whose lives have been taken by abuse. Do it for the individuals who have been abused but are fearful to tell anyone. Do it for every one in three women you know because, statistically, that is how many women are affected by domestic abuse. Most importantly, do it for yourself. We all believe that we could never be a victim of domestic violence or if in the event it happens, it is as simple as just leaving or fighting back, but it is not. So if you are considering voting this year or have felt swayed away from voting because the current political environment feels overbearing, do it for her, do it for him, do it for the version of yourself who never thought it could happen, and vote anyway. One vote can and has made a difference for thousands of people you may never come to know.

None of these options are available for change without people in office who prioritize survivor advocacy, policy, and safety. It all starts with voting.

I never thought I would have the opportunity to miss people, be accepted for exactly who I am, and experience unconditional love. Therefore, I am grateful that my survivorship taught me who I am, and it gave me the people who show up for me and welcome every part of me, never with any conditions attached. The opportunities I have had are, in part, because Michigan chose to invest in survivor policies. I now get the privilege to miss people and experience survivorship fully when I thought my destiny was my loved ones having to mourn me. I am not a memory, and I am still here, lucky enough to be embraced for every part of who I am. Survivor policy did not just change my circumstances; it changed which verb belongs to my story, not mourned but missed. That is the quiet miracle of policy done right: it does not just keep you alive, but voting can hand you back your tomorrow.

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